I have been thinking long and hard about how to put into words such a huge and deep feeling of sorrow. I never intended for this blog to be depressing, but I also can't ignore when sad things happen as they are indeed part of my world. Up until a year ago, a woman named Ceta Ennis was our family babysitter for 22 years! She came to us when Tommy was 6 months old and made it possible for me to work full time knowing that my kids were in good hands while I was gone. Thru the years, there were times when we thought she might move on, especially when we moved from Secaucus to Chatham, but we always managed to work it out and last year, when it was time for her to move on to another job. It was sad because she had truly become a part of our family, but we continued to speak on the phone every month or so. About a week ago, she had a massive stroke and passed away. I can't even type this without crying. When we told Jonathan, he immediately became hysterical and after crying inconsolably for awhile, he said he could not even play his video games because he was so so sad and he just went to bed in tears. Her funeral service was just sad beyond words at her Pentecostal Church up in the Bronx complete with many of the songs she used to sing around the house, and a shouting preacher who gave a sermon with so much energy we thought he might burst as they celebrated her life. Everyone who attended knew who we were and welcomed us like family. Many times during the ceremony, we were referred to as her 'new jersey family' and we were pretty easy to pick out of the crowd. We all had an opportunity to speak in front of her congregation and we were not expecting it. Juli was just amazing with the way she was able to put it together like an adult off the cuff as we were all up there crying. The past few days have just been continuous sadness and I keep hearing her voice echoing in my head saying "C'mon Hel, no more crying!" but I just can't help it. I will never forget the woman who was so full of life and good energy and I just presumed she would be at all the special family events over the next several years... she was only 65. We were blessed to have her with us and as much as I used to complain about certain things now and again, I have so many good memories of her: the constant singing of church songs, her loud laugh when someone would do something funny in the house, her flowery perfumes that would infiltrate the car, house, etc to an annoying degree, the way she loved cooking those big fattening Jamaican meals, the way she would always bow her head in prayer before eating anything, the times when I would blast the music in the house and she would cheer me on in her funny way as I danced around the kitchen, the way her accent would get so heavy when she got worked up about something, all the many cassette tapes she collected (I'm talking more than a hundred no joke) that she would listen to of the shouting preachers so she could learn how to preach in her church, her obsession with the news and how she always found time to read the newspaper from cover to cover every day and she knew every last thing about politics, and only 2 weeks before she died, we talked on the phone and she was telling me how much she longed to see the kids and that she was gonna to take the train out here for a visit. One strange thing that had begun over the past year - an automated recorded phone call from a 'pastor' who continues to call the house wishing us a beautiful day because we somehow ended up on a calling list andI have not been able to figure out how to unsubscribe from it. I will now take comfort in hearing his voice every couple of weeks and consider it a little amusing reminder of the special lady who was such an important part of our lives.
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